Saturday, February 16, 2008

i left my heart in accounts receivable


An odd week is drawing to a close. Yesterday morning I got up early to let the dog out. When I returned to bed, my heart started racing in a very irregular beat. You know that feeling we call "missing a beat?" But this time the pattern was not just one or two; it kept up for over an hour.

I was going to stop at the clinic when I got to work, but I walked by when I realized the nurses would simply refer me to my doctor or the hospital. Even though I was not feeling in top form, I got everything set up for the work day, fully intending to call my doctor.

My big event for the work day was my performance review for 2007. That went extremely well, better than I had anticipated. I am not big on getting stroked for simply doing my job. But it is nice to hear that people appreciate what I put into my work.

But I never made it to the doctor.

Once again, I have run right into the middle of another of life's little analogies. I have no doubt that part of the reason for my cardiac episode is related to the stress I have been feeling at work over the past few months. In turn, I am extremely well-paid for the work I do. At some point, though, I need to realize that I can only give up so much of my life in exchange for money.

Will Mexico be better than this? In some respects, yes. I will have stresses, but of a different nature. I will probably eat as many unhealthy foods, but not out of nervous habit. And I will have a better opportunity to daily get out in the community and exercise new socials skills and atrophying calf muscles. Perfect it will not be. But better.

7 comments:

Alan said...

Steve, Your comments on well paid for what you do may very well be true. However, your comments about how much you are giving up in exchange are definitely on target. I hope your wakeup call does not go unanswered. The time to address the medical issues you raise are certainly BEFORE and not after an "event"! Hopefully you will attend to that matter before I hear you will not be visiting your future before having your sternum split to resolve the problem. No matter how great the performance review was, you do not need that on a headstone! If you need a cardiac referral, we here in the Rogue Valley have one of the top 100 hospitals in the country. Do take care. Alan

Steve Cotton said...

Thanks, Al. As you can imagine, I was thinking of you when I wrote the post.

Brenda Maas said...

Take care of yourself, your health is more important than any job.

Anonymous said...

Steve,
You say that you have read some of my blog posts so trust me when I say do not take any heart situation lightly. Had my daughter’s heart issue been diagnosed correctly 11 years ago she would not have suffered a 2nd cardiac arrest. Or as the cardiologist said “you have cheated death twice I won’t let it happen again”. This was when he was telling us about the defibrillator that Tara was going to have implanted.

Steve Cotton said...

Brenda and Jackie -- The episode on Friday morning had all the hallmarks of a psychsomatic event. That does not make it any less real, of course. I will check in with my doctor this coming week. All is well now. Especially after I finish my extra spicy tortilla filler.

Anonymous said...

I can understand chalking the palpitations up to stress. And really, that's probably what it was.
("i left my heart in accounts receivable"... you picked a title that's too funny for an entry like this!) But you can NEVER be too sure!! My grandfather recently had his heart checked out at St. Vincent's and was immediately sent into bypass surgery. He didn't have a lot of time left before he would have suffered a heart attack. Please go get yourself looked at!

Steve Cotton said...

Ruby --

Good point. A dentist friend of mine went in to see his doctor because he was not feeling well. His blood pressure had dropped nearly to zero. His doctor admitted him to the hospital on the spot and repaired a leaky valve.