Tuesday, May 01, 2012

pirates of the arabian

Some blogs write themselves.  When they do, I merely act as a transport mechanism.

Every day, we receive a Cruise Compass that tells us about the activities for the day.  Often with as many supplements as a Sunday newspaper.

Our Day 1 Compass contained an interesting letter signed by the captain -- and obviously authored by some lawyer back in Miami.

After a chirppy greeting, the letter gets down to its point.  We will be entering waters infested with pirates.  Those are my words.  The lawyers use the far more passive “pirate activity has occurred in the Gulf of Aden.”

Now, anyone who has read the news knows this is not -- news.  And the letter attempts to reassure the passengers after scaring the doubloons out of us.

”I don’t expect to experience any problems.”  And you just know there is a “but” following that cheerful expectation.  And there is.

The captain tells us we are a fast ship and we have “more security staff” than Jack Sparrow’s impersonators have.  Images of SEALS dance in the head.

And there is more “but.”  If curious fishing boats approach us, we will warn them off.  With what?  I was hoping for something about cannons in that sentence.  But apparently, zigging and zagging is a frightening enough sight.

And for a more comforting note, while we are in the Gulf of Aden, all of the balcony cabins must follow London Blitz blackout conditions.  Knowing cruisers compliance with rules, the letter warns the Bridge will be monitoring for full compliance.

After receiving our pre-violation scolding, the captain then lifts our spirits by telling us if he uses the code word “Operation Safe Haven,” all of the passengers in outside cabins (even those who were obedient drape closers) are to huddle in the hallway. 

What happened to “repel the boarders?”  But I guess that is a job for the security staff.  And considering the average age of my fellow passengers (including me), I am not certain hand-to-hand combat would be the wisest option.

On past cruises, passengers have grumped about the lifeboat drill.  But ever since the sinking of two or three cruise ships, passengers pay far closer attention to details -- such as, how does that little light work.

Apparently, we are all going to get to participate in an “Operation Safe Haven” drill on 9 May.  I am placing good money on a bet that people will listen real close to it.

Of course, it would have been far more interesting if the company had posted this notice on its website BEFORE flogging this sold-out cruise.  I suspect there may have been a few more vacant cabins.

As for me, an early announcement would have merely got my fifth grade blood running.  Pirates and Petra on the same cruise?  Who could ask for anything more?

17 comments:

John Calypso said...

Probably much safer on that barge than on your typical Mexico highway ;-)

Andean said...

Don't like to be the one to disappoint, but I bet they will not look anything like the picture in your post, or even the slightest similarity to Salma. I suspect their prescence would be more like the crocs in the laguna that quietly zigzag and suddenly make an appearance on the banks or andador.

Penny said...

Good luck Steve!  I belly-laughed my way through that post, keep up the good reporting.

Dan in NC said...

Steve, if the blighters boarding look like the "pirate" in the heading photo, I'd be first in line to help them on deck! Ah well, you are traveling on a Fantasy Cruise liner now ainchya? Arggg!
Dan in nc

Irene said...

Kraken and icebergs and pirates, oh my!

Steve Cotton said...

Do you mean Hollywood has lied to me? Don't most pirates look like this?

Steve Cotton said...

Oh, my! Indeed.

Steve Cotton said...

Most likely.   But I love those highways, as well.

Steve Cotton said...

 But I can dream.

Steve Cotton said...

 Thanks, Penny.  This little essay was truly a joy to write.

Steve Cotton said...

Oh my!  Indeed.  What next -- the Judy Garland transvestites?

Babsofsanmiguel said...

You're a marketing genius.  If the cruise line used that photo in their ads on TV they would never have to worry about empty cabins.  I could go on and on........but I'll just think about the ramifications.......the uprisings when the new cruisers realize they've been had..........well, actually, not had.  Ha!

Dan in NC said...

Nah, that's another cruise - Key West on the week before Halloween!
Oi Vey! A really wild week - that needs to be on everyone's "bucket list"!
Talk about a goggle-eyed missus! LOL!!!
Dan in nc

Steve Cotton said...

Buckets come in many flavors.

Steve Cotton said...

 If the cruise line used photographs like that as a marketing tool, the ship would be filled with even more old geezers like me.

Felipe Zapata said...

It was good to have known you.

Steve Cotton said...

If captured, I suspect the pirates would gladly get rid of me quickly.  "Get rid" is filled with a plethora of options, however.