Saturday, July 14, 2012

washing my hands of the whole enchilada


Mexico has a very good system of warning that topes -- speed bumps -- are in the road ahead.  The warning helps cut down on damage to mufflers and suspensions.

I need something as equally efficient to give my readers a bit of warning that a grump moment is at hand.  Well, I guess I just did.  Because there is one around the next period.

My grumping about hotel services has been rather frequent.  Complaints about high prices for not-so-speedy internet in big bucks hotels (high speed at a price).  Or shampoo bottles that are fashionable, but almost nonfunctional (did you ever wonder --).

It may be one reason I travel alone.  After all, who wants to travel with Oscar the Grouch?

During my trip to Puerto Vallarta earlier this week, I stayed at the Comfort Inn near the airport.  It was convenient for my purposes and kept me away from the tourism of Old Town.

When I got up on Wednesday for my morning ablutions, I discovered another practical joke that hotels like to pull on their customers.  The trick soap.

The trick soap comes in two varieties.  The first is in a box with flaps that do not quite close.  When you pick up the box, the soap pops out of the box and (if your unlucky) smashes into pieces on the floor or (if you are moderately fortunate) cakes in nose first picking up whatever grime is on the bathroom floor.

My soap was not boxed.  It was the second variety of trick soap.  The soap that is tightly wrapped in the same plastic paper used for Mexican currency and then hermetically sealed with a label that could be used on a space station airlock.

I wish I had a video tape of my attempts to extract the soap from its cocoon.  What is embarrassing is I can never recall how I opened the soap on my last visit. 

But this time, I used logic.  I knew all attempts at scratching at the paper would be futile.  The weak link appeared to be the paper seal.  My fingers could not find an opening.  So, I used my teeth.  After a couple of attempts, off it came  -- the label, not my teeth.  Unfortunately, only the top layer came off.  The soap was as safe as a queen bee in her hive.

It was clear a tool was required.  And if you want to open something, what do you need?  A key.  I gathered my key ring from my pants that were still wet from the previous night's rain storm, and sawed my way through the plastic.

The big question is why I bothered.  The hotel had provided me with a small bottle of shampoo with a very simple top.  I could have used the shampoo and skipped the bother with the soap.

But what good would that have done me for today's post?

And next time?  I will either start with the key -- or happily pretend that the shampoo is nothing more than some fancy label body wash.

23 comments:

Dianecp said...

Or pack your own favorites and take the hotel soaps home for your guests to struggle with...

norm said...

Soap is made with caustic soda, they put a bit of lipstick on it to smell nice but it all starts with something that cuts grease. In cake form or liquid, it is made from a harsh base element and then cut to a point where it will not eat your skin off. I never mess with cake soap unless I have crud under my nails and I need something solid to get behind the crud and even then, if I have a nail brush, I use liquid. Now, if its bad, like woodworking stain, I use a pumice stick, it just rips off the top layer of skin with the stain and you are left with a pretty pink hand-pretty is good... 

Felipe Zapata said...

Real men tote pocketknives.

John Calypso said...

Going with Felipe on this - and further suggest you prepare your soap bars prior to immediate need saving much frustration.

Kim G said...

Bring your own soap. That way you don't have to suffer the crap that's inside the plastic anyway.

Saludos,

Kim G
Boston, MA
Where it's even quieter than I remembered. LOL.

Steve Cotton said...

I like the guest idea. But I have had a grand total of five in four years.  Guests, that is.  I would hate to scare the rare birds away.

Steve Cotton said...

I am OK with caustic down here.  The heat-induced perspiration builds up a nice layer of grease within an hour.  There are days I feel like a grease-packed carbine.

Steve Cotton said...

 In days gone by, I would have used my Toolman.  But, in these days of airport security, I no longer carry it.  It would have been the perfect solution.

Steve Cotton said...

If I had been flying, I would have had the answer.  When I fly out of Manzanillo, the security guys lock my checked suit case with a plastic strip that is impossible to break.  I carry a small set of scissors in an outside pouch.  That would have worked perfectly.  But who takes luggage on an overnight trip?

Babsofsanmiguel said...

 I carry my own shampoo,conditioner and soap.  I take those provided by the hotels, save them til I have a stash and then take them over to Alma for use at the retirement home.  But, til now, I never thought about how in the heck they can open that stuff.  I laughed out loud at your session with the soap - I too have used my teeth......To say it is aggravating is an understatment.

Steve Cotton said...

On these quick jaunts, I usually travel commando.

Steve Cotton said...

When I served on the Salvation Army board, our board members would bring back the amenities for the homeless shelter.  On long trips, I take along a shaving kit.  But not on these overnighters.

Tancho said...

I am glad that I am not the only one that has a attack when trying to open those damn soap packages. I wrote about that awhile ago during one of road trips. My other issue is the coffee makers that have the preground coffee in little paper/filter combo packs that when put in the machine bypass most of the hot water and make a super weak coffee. We've gone to carrying instant(ehgh) coffee to remedy that.....

Andean said...

That almost looks like cheese packaging. 
A lot of those soaps do have a weird smell, I'd opt for the shampoo instead, if not left with a choice, that is if you could get any out of those bottles.

Steve Cotton said...

Not being a coffee drinker, I have missed the joys of hotel coffee packets.  Maybe we should start an Andy Rooney club.

Steve Cotton said...

I think they got their packing notions from the potato chip folks.

Muycontento said...

I have been to many places in the country where they missed that part about 'very good warnings about topes ahead'

Steve Cotton said...

 I may have spread the irony too thin.

Joanne said...

Pretty soon you'll be sitting on your front terrace, waving your cane at the passersby and yelling "you kids stay off my lawn"!

Steve Cotton said...

Pretty soon it is.  I need to get that cane on my shopping list.

Kim G said...

 Well any commando worth his AK-47 should have no problem with mere soap.  LOL

KG

Steve Cotton said...

But what commando would use girlie round soap?

Garima Shah said...

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