Friday, May 14, 2010

costner coast cleanup

Head snappers.

You know them when you see them.  Those news stories that make your head spin fast enough to use that chiropractic gift certificate you received from your son-in-law last Christmas.

I saw one this morning: "Kevin Costner to help in Gulf of Mexico oil slick clean up efforts."

Kevin Costner?  Oil slick?  What was he planning on doing?  Dancing with wolves on his field of dreams?

The fact that the story had a dateline of "London" made me believe the whole thing was a hoax.

It turns out my cynicism was the culprit.  It is a real story.

Kevin Costner's brother, Dan, is a scientist.  The Costner boys have set up a wittily-acronymed corporation -- Costner Industries Nevada Corporation (CINC) (Get it?  Sink?) -- to promote a filtration system, designed by Dan, to recycle oil.

Apparently, Dan has developed a new oil-water separation devicve he plans to use in helping to clean up the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

The news story provided no further details on the separation device.  Maybe they are planning on dragging Pamela Anderson through the oil slick.

Because Louisiana is involved, a politician has to show up in the story somewhere.  In this case, it is Billy Nungesser, president of Plaquemines Parish (what passes for counties in Louisiana), who slavishly points out: “Sometimes it takes a star to come in with their money and time to make a difference.”

Isn't that the truth, Billy?  How could we ever lead our lives without celebrities guiding our every step?

It is true Kevin Costner has donated an incredible amount of money to relieve this disaster.  The reported figure is £17.3 million.  But a headline like "Corporate Costner brothers to clean up in Louisiana" does not seem to have the same impact.

No head snapper there.


el jubilado said...

Either that device is very, very wide ... or he has a couple thousand of them.

I think neither Pammy or her spandex would absorb much.

- Mexican Trailrunner said...

Good post, Steve, well written.

Laurie said...

I shook my head at that one, too, Steve. I am worried about Red Snapper, though. The fish. And the oyster and shrimp industry. And the pelicans...

Steve Cotton said...

El Jubilado -- My theory is that Pam could use her miraculous water powers to set all right. After all, she is a celebrity.

Mexican Trailrunner -- Thanks.

Laurie -- You are correct. The oil spill will have a terribile effect on Louisiana. However, there is something about the news story that has echoes of "My cousin in New Orleans can do that job -- for a bonus."