Wednesday, June 15, 2011

hands across the table


I am starting to feel part of my neighborhood.


On Tuesday afternoon while I was walking back from the beach, I noticed a Mexican barbecue grill on the sidewalk in from of La Rana, my neighborhood restaurant.  The grill they use to prepare their barbecued pork ribs.


I stuck my head in the kitchen simply to say hello.  Before I could launch into my small talk, the wife of the owner and their daughter excitedly invited me (in a torrent of Spanish) to the owner’s birthday party that afternoon.  At 3.  Or 4.  Or around there.


Of course, I was pleased.  So, I headed back to the house and started getting ready for my Mexican social event of the month.


Because they were so flexible on the time, I didn’t want to show up at 3 and show my NOB infatuation with the clock.  Instead, I waited until 4 and walked over.


To my surprise, I was obviously late.  Everyone was sitting at a long table.  From the look of their plates, they had finished eating long before I arrived.



But my hosts grabbed me, gave me a great seat in front of the fan, and brought me a heaping plate of sausage, steak, and grilled onion.  The tortillas, salad, guacamole, and beans were on the table.


Then I committed my second faux pas.  I have eaten in plenty of homes throughout the world.  One of the first rules of a good guest is to take a look at what other people are doing – and follow their example.  I didn’t do that.


Instead, I looked at the table, found no fork or knife, and asked my host for utensils.  He didn’t bat an eye.  Off he went.  After all, I have been a good customer – and I always have a knife and fork at my plate.


When he returned, I started eating.  While chatting with people at the table, I noticed they kept looking at my hands.  By that point, some of the other guests were having a second plate of grilled meat.


And then I saw it.  No one else was using utensils.  They were using their hands to eat.  By that point I had finished eating.  I quietly apologized to my host.  Who graciously said it was fine.  But my utensils quickly became a part of the table conversation.


Once again, I wish I could have spoken better Spanish.  But I held my own with a chef, a hotel owner, and other assorted middle class family members.  An 8-year old girl even asked me to help her with her English.  Her father is coming back from The States in a month, and she wanted to impress him with what she had learned.


The experience was a lot like having Thanksgiving with another family.  Everything was pleasant enough.  But as a non-family member, it was often hard to keep up with the family tales.  Even though some of them were hilarious – one including a burro and a bull.


I stayed for three hours – there never being a seemingly good time to bid adios.  When one group of relatives got up to go, I took it as my cue to exit, as well.


A year ago, I am not certain I would have attended – knowing that English would not be a conversation option.  But I am glad I did.  The owners asked me back to show them my photographs of my cruise.


And that I will do – soon.

18 comments:

Felipe Zapata said...

The frequent lack of forks, etc., at a Mexican meal never fails to amaze and annoy me. 

tancho said...

Just one of the locals....another year or two and you will forget the utensils, other than a lone plastic fork now and then.
English lessons, well there you go, just don't start teaching the kids case law....

Marc Olson said...

Nice, isn't it? I started feeling really a part of my neighborhood when I started getting invited to birthdays and baptisms. The only things I still haven't gotten used to is the length of these events...we NOB types hanging out with other NOB types are used to hanging out for a couple of hours and heading home. Usually the family-and-neighbors social events around here last much, much longer.

GreengaGirl said...

The lack of utensils always gets me.  I try to just pick things up with a tortilla, but I just make a mess.  

Burt75 said...

Your description of the menu and the photo show how well fed they are.  That's a problem I have with Mexico.  There too much good food and I try to eat it all.

Steve Cotton said...

I recall that our Christmas and Thanksgiving gatherings were much longer NOB back in the 80s and 90s.  And I enjoyed staying the full day wherever our family was meeting.  But everybody seems to have Things To Do these days.  It is more like a dine and dash than a family get-together.  I prefer the Mexican style.  And I would prefer it more if it was my family.

Steve Cotton said...

I doubt I will ever be one of the locals.  In this case, I was invited to meet one of my host's spinster relatives.  They cannot understand how I get through life without a wife.  The fact that I cook for myself was a source of much amusement.

Steve Cotton said...

I have eaten without a fork at plenty of places around the world.  The use of bread as a food catcher seems to be universal -- even in parts of Europe.  But I do like my fork.

Steve Cotton said...

I perfected my hand technique in Indian and Ethopian homes and restaurants. I just missed all of he social clues surrounding me.

Steve Cotton said...

I ate more meat at the party yesterday than I usually eat in a full month. If I ate that way all the time, I would easily fit in as a prosperous member of the family. As a rule, though, I tend to lose weight here.

tancho said...

Well you never know, she may own half the real estate in town, we have a few of those in Patzcuaro.

Steve Cotton said...

There are some things I wll not do for money.  And marriage is second or third on that list.

Kim G said...

It's more relaxed now, but my early Danish upbringing taught me to eat NOTHING with my fingers. Not chicken, not french fries, not even sandwiches, which Danes used to eat with knife and fork.  I don't think they do any more, but my parents left when they still did, and that's what they taught me.

But I don't think it's ever rude to use a knife and fork, even if everyone else is eating with their fingers.  I think this acceptance of other cultures needs to go both ways.

Glad to hear you're going native.  I look forward to a blog in Spanish soon.

Saludos,

Kim G
Boston, MA
Where we no longer eat sandwiches, nor chicken, nor fries with a knife and fork.  Totally Americanized, I guess.

Nita said...

You should feel honored to be asked. I think that shows their feelings for you. I am surprised you were late. Things don't usually start on time.

Steve Cotton said...

I must confess that I eat a lot of food down here with a large spoon -- as if I were the lead character in some cut-rate Grimm tale.  So, I am becoming a bit less utilitarian -- in so many ways.

Steve Cotton said...

I was shocked at the punctuality. I almost felt as if I was slipping into the back Presbyterian pew.

LeslieLimon said...

To paraphrase one of my favorite bloggers..."We don't need no stinkin' forks!" 

Good to see you making new friends! :) 

Steve Cotton said...

You never know when you are going to need allies.