I am starting to feel like Claude Rains. Not the "Major Renault" Claude Rains, but the "Dr. Jack Griffins" Claude Rains: the invisible man. I suspect that other expatriates have had this feeling. The feeling that I just do not belong in Oregon is getting stronger: that I am supposed to fit in somewhere else.
I come from a tribe of wanderers, as do many other Americans. Part of my family meandered from England to Holland, and then to Plymouth colony. Unhappy with events in the late 1700s, they moved to Quebec, then to North Dakota and Minnesota, and then to Oregon. My genes do not predispose me to settle and be content. I crave change.
I feel bored with my job. I do not feel inspired with my church duties. My body, my soul, my mind -- all look for something new.
Dr. Griffins developed a drug that eventually made him invisible to his environment. I am not that far along. At the moment, I am more like Marty McFly: I am starting to see through my hand. And if I do not move along, I will be every bit as invisible as any HG Wells character.
Several times I have referred to some personal things I need to tend to before I can retire and leave for Mexico. I intend to post some of them in the future -- but not right now.
11 comments:
Okay, lissen here, young man. I detect issues and confusion.
Wanderer? I get the impression from what you have written in the past that you live within spitting distance of where you were born. This is no wanderer. Quite the contrary. You feel most comfortable with the familiar. I´d put money on it.
Sure, you seem to have traveled quite a bit, but visiting a place and living there are very different propositions. Visiting Mexico, which can be very enjoying, and living here, which can be very trying, are not the same at all.
And there is the telling issue of the name of your blog: Same Life -- New Location. I promise you that if you move to Mexico, your life will not be the same. The only way you could even begin to hold it intact would be to move to San Miguel or Ajijic. That is the objective of Gringos who gravitate to those areas. I take it those areas are not on your list of possibilities.
So life would change drastically and shockingly.
Things to ponder.
So, doctor, you think Aunt Polly has delusions of being Huck Finn? You maty be correct. But there is only one way to find out -- get on that raft and start down the river.
Steve - I'm sure you have read enough of Michael to know he pulls no punches - you gotta love it. I concur with his admonishments.
Then we all now want to know about these personal issues - time to fee up!
Juan
Juan -- One of the reasons I thoroughly enjoy reading postings written by both you and Michael is that you are very honest and blunt. I like that. I just need to get out of this Woody Allen-ish neurotic loop that I seem to be in. The "personal" list is coming, but I can promise disappointment. I will wait to confess my career as a serial killer at a later date.
For us the pull of Mexico was pretty intense...we just like it here so much! After a while we started to feel like we really didn't fit in up North and that was when we started really making it happen. This country really accepts us but your life here really is what you make it. Some are happy and some aren't. You sound like you are the kind who will make your life here great. Maybe that's what you mean by Same Life, New Location. Great there, great here...
Your mysterious issues before you can move down....all I will say is I have been meeting some of the greatest people lately who are in their 40's and early 50's and just did it. They are on a more limited budget than maybe they'd like but they are so glad they took the plunge. One man works occasionally via the internet and others are just full on retired, living in a place for 4-5 months until they get to know it and can see if its a good fit. Interesting that both the men I am thinking of are single, too.
So, just do it, as soon as you can!
Hi Steve - When my son was 20 and going to Europe for the second time and I had yet been able to figure out how to get there, timewise and financially, he said a very very wise thing to me, "If it's important enough you'll figure out a way!" I went the next year!
I have remember that phrase each time I have hesitated about doing something that was life altering, like selling my firm, my home and leaving my friends and family and moving to Mexico. At that point, I decided I would rather do without material things then to have to keep working - I was totally burned out.........sounds like you are too.
It took me 5 months to accomplish selling the business, the house and all my worldly posessions and I can affirm that it was a life "saving" as well as altering experience.
I think one of the choices, not matter where you live, is do you want to "live Mexican" or "live American"! I live in San Miguel, but I "live Mexican". If you want to know what that means, email me at babsofsanmiguel@yahoo.com and I'll explain further. I never knew you could live a "stress free" existence!
Yep, you feel you don't belong at home now, because you have decided to move. This is normal. Do bear in mind though, that you will never again belong anywhere. Not at home, because it is in your own interests to decide not to: not where you are going, because no matter how well you integrate, you won't totally.
This will sometimes be like you feel now: your feet are itching for adventure, but once you make that permanent move, there will be times when it becomes downright scary.
But, I also agree with Babs in that, "If it's important enough you'll figure out a way!"
And then there's what finally convinced me to move:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover."
– Mark Twain
Enjoy the unplanned stop in Tenerife in April too.
Michael Dickson has called you out, Steve. I've known you for 18 years and couldn't have said it any better. Hurry up and move already. Those of us living vicariously through you are anxious for Chapter 2 to start.
There are no dress rehearsals, this is all there is.
That was a refrain I used a lot, sometimes I had to remind myself that this was my only chance to live today the way I wanted to.
I left early, gave up a bigger retirement slice and a few more years of heavy paychecks. I don't regret a penny of it. I would not give back these last 6 years if you gave me double what I was earning a year, well... maybe I'd take it for one year! But really, I probably wouldn't. There is no dollar value you can put on living life as you want it, traveling, learning and finding new adventures.
The other consideration, for me as well as I think for you, is you have no guarantees on how long we'll be here. If you wait, and run out of time... horse on you. If you live so long after you retire that you run out of money... well, think of the ride you had.
Octavio Paz: "The future is a deceitful time that always says to us: Not yet. And thus denies us ... whoever builds a house for future happiness builds a prison for the present."
Having already determined your finances are more than sufficient, here is a great plan.
Give a month´s notice at work. Or less. Open Yellow Pages and find folks who do estate sales. Yes, make like you are dead. Put a bullet in that "Same Life" notion.
The estate sale folks come and sell everything over a weekend. You should walk Jiggs in the park so you will not get emotionally involved.
Your house is empty now except for the two suitcases of underwear, khakis and flowered shirts.
Hand keys to Remax agent. Tell them you can be found at General Delivery Mexico.
Get in the car with Jiggs (whose vet checkup papers you have in the glove compartment) and head south.
It´s as simple as that.
I totally agree with Michael. Just do it. If it doesn't work out then change it later. Who knows how long we have here on earth so we may as well enjoy the time we have.
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