On Saturday I had a great opportunity to have lunch with almost a score of friends from my high school class. I missed our 40th year reunion last year because I was in Philadelphia for a wedding. This was the second post-reunion function for the group; it was my first.
Many things can be said about such occasions. To Kurt Vonnegut, of course, they were granfalloons. The more common reproach (for those who do not simply make up words) is that getting together with high school classmates is simply a chore (or bore).
I cannot speak for others. For me, this was a great occasion. I would not have missed it for almost anything. And it gave me a different perspective on a topic discussed on several expatriate Mexico blogs recently: civility and acquaintances.
We have all encountered people who comment on our blogs who take offense at some slight -- imagined or real. Too often, the reaction is for the "victim" to become the aggressor and to lash out at the original poster -- usually in very personal terms that do not address the original idea.
And we all have talked about what to do. Some have talked about not allowing comments. Or simply stop blogging. Or just letting the rhetoric rip.
But that reminded me of the discussions we had at the table on Saturday. No one dealt in the type of guerilla conversation that has become de riguer (the irony is unintentional) in popular culture. Instead, we dealt with touchy topics (such as, politics) as the adults we are. The reason is obvious: we respect each other as individuals. We can disagree about ideas without demeaning the people with whom we disagree.
I had a similar experience on a blog recently. I commented about the tendency of my neighbors to be more orderly, than spontaneous, and used the generic term "germanic." A German reader took umbrage. However, when I explained how I was using the term, the level of conversation not only cooled, but we have now started exchanging further (polite) comments.
Of course, that does not always work. But if we try to converse without offending and are willing to apologize when we do offend, we could most likely reduce the level of animosity in the blogging community. I am happy to say that the expatriate Mexico blogs are usually very civil. But we need to work at keeping it that way.
Here endeth the lesson.
Many things can be said about such occasions. To Kurt Vonnegut, of course, they were granfalloons. The more common reproach (for those who do not simply make up words) is that getting together with high school classmates is simply a chore (or bore).
I cannot speak for others. For me, this was a great occasion. I would not have missed it for almost anything. And it gave me a different perspective on a topic discussed on several expatriate Mexico blogs recently: civility and acquaintances.
We have all encountered people who comment on our blogs who take offense at some slight -- imagined or real. Too often, the reaction is for the "victim" to become the aggressor and to lash out at the original poster -- usually in very personal terms that do not address the original idea.
And we all have talked about what to do. Some have talked about not allowing comments. Or simply stop blogging. Or just letting the rhetoric rip.
But that reminded me of the discussions we had at the table on Saturday. No one dealt in the type of guerilla conversation that has become de riguer (the irony is unintentional) in popular culture. Instead, we dealt with touchy topics (such as, politics) as the adults we are. The reason is obvious: we respect each other as individuals. We can disagree about ideas without demeaning the people with whom we disagree.
I had a similar experience on a blog recently. I commented about the tendency of my neighbors to be more orderly, than spontaneous, and used the generic term "germanic." A German reader took umbrage. However, when I explained how I was using the term, the level of conversation not only cooled, but we have now started exchanging further (polite) comments.
Of course, that does not always work. But if we try to converse without offending and are willing to apologize when we do offend, we could most likely reduce the level of animosity in the blogging community. I am happy to say that the expatriate Mexico blogs are usually very civil. But we need to work at keeping it that way.
Here endeth the lesson.
4 comments:
You unknowingly have touched on another issue having to do with Mexican life.
This business of being "offended."
Getting offended on occasion has always been part of life, of course, but it´s a phenomenon that has exploded up north, particularly among the spoiled, overeducated American Left. It walks hand in hand with the intolerant PC movement. You can hardly open your mouth these days without somebody getting "offended." It´s sooo tiresome.
With rare exception, you will not run into this in Mexico. It is a joy and a blessing.
Michael is right. Mexicans just don't take offense as easily as other people seem to. Or if they do, they are good at holding their peace!
My Mexican friends in Oregon have noted the difference between the way they react to being offended compared with their family members in Mexico. Each of them says that something in our culture makes them feel freer to express themselves. I have noted that behavior on several message boards -- where Mexicans in the USA will espouse opinions in a manner that would embarrass their mothers. What has shocked me is how rude they will be to women on line. My friends have indicated that their mothers would take a skillet to them if they talked that way at home.
But I fully agree with you, Michael. PC attitudes have literally sucked the life out of American conversation.
Rudeness in cyberspace is rampant. Childishness reigns. It ain´t got nuttin to do with being or not being Mexican.
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