paging john edwards

Spray paint. Hair. Shoes. Buttocks.


Morey Amsterdam, the comedian, claimed he could produce a joke from any word shouted at him from his audiences. With those four words, Morey probably could have created a year's worth of situation comedy episodes.


But a news story? Really?


Here it is, if you have not already seen it. Dateline: Monterrey.

Four teenagers say police in a northern Mexican town spray-painted their hair, shoes and buttocks to teach them not to paint graffiti on public property.

Emilio Alfaro of Nuevo Leon state’s Human Rights Commission said Thursday the youths have filed a complaint alleging that police in Guadalupe slapped, kicked and painted them with spray cans after detaining them for vandalism.

The youths are aged between 14 and 16. They presented paint-stained shoes and photos of their painted heads as evidence.

Guadelupe’s police department says several officers have been suspended while the matter is being investigated.

The youths were fined more than $200 before being released on Tuesday.

Guadalupe is outside the city of Monterrey.

Anyone who has visited certain areas of Mexico can testify that graffiti can be as thick as -- well, graffiti on a New York subway train. Some call it popular murals. Others, who have not been afflicted with the postmodern abolition of beauty, call it a shame.


So, the local Mexican constabulary catch a group of the young hoodlums doing their bad Diego Rivera impression on "public property," and decide that a personal lesson might be more effective than The System. Paint their empty little heads. Their beloved shoes. And, with a stroke of genius, their as-yet-unwhipped butts.


What duty could not create, shame may drive out.


Now, let me stop here and try to add an adult touch before I head off into where everyone knows I am going. Law cannot be meted out through the whims of authority figures. The police are supposed to apprehend, not prosecute, not try, not punish. The rule of law gives the other functions to prosecutors, judges, and penal officials.


When a policeman accepts a "fine" on the street, we condemn it for what it is: corruption. And so is this.


But now that Adult Voice has had his say, I will point out that Adult Voice is merely indulging in adolescent absolutism. Corruption is bad. But we are very willing to daily allow the police to teach lessons on behalf of society. And I personally think this was a jolly good one.


I can hear the usual suspects. Violence begets violence. They will learn to disrespect authority. No good comes from engendering a lack of self-respect.


My suggestion is to put those statements on your bumper. I have witnessed how self-respect can be created through shame. Anyone who has been through military basic training knows what a bit of shame can do to build character. And that is what these lads lacked.


And now the complaint is at the human rights level. Losing your home because of your race, watching your family exterminated because of their creed -- these are human rights violations. Getting your butt painted is just desserts.


One encouraging point in the story, though, is the fact that the youths "presented paint-stained shoes and photos of their painted heads as evidence." Can you imagine what the Mexico City tabloids would have done with photographs of the painted buttocks?


If that champion of the poor -- trial attorney John Edwards -- is seeking political redemption, we may have just the case for him.