let them entertain me -- again

Let’s start with the nightly headliner shows.

Singers. Impersonators. Comedians. Jugglers. Magicians. Each trying to find that little hook that will keep older audiences from tottering out of the theater.

So, come back with me to the grade school gymnasium for a bit of fun.  Here are some of  the headliners during the last month.

El Gaucho -- Gaucho acts are very popular on ships.  There was a gaucho house act on my first cruise -- Los Diablos Gauchos.  Juan and Eileen are now acquaintances,and I measure all gaucho acts against theirs.  This guy was on his own.  A good comedian.  A passable pianist.  And an accomplished bolas artist.  But he lacked the flair of my chums.  

Marty Allen -- Yes.  That Marty Allen.  Of Ed Sullivan.  Once teamed with Dan Rowan.  He is still going.  At 90 with his one-generation-younger wife playing the straight man -- and the piano.  Telling old fast-fire jokes about old slow-fire people.  The audience loved him.

Live Wire -- A string duo with an emphasis on Celtic music.  I gave this one a miss.  I have seen them before.  Apparently, I was impressed enough to buy their CD after that performance.  But I cannot recall ever playing it.

David Pengelly -- This act is as vaudeville as it gets.  A ukulele player.  Unfortunately, I was at the Mystery Murder Dinner, and missed it.  I ran into him following the back stage theater tour.  He spent almost a hour hour talking about his instrument.  Where it was made.  By whom.  The people at my dinner table told me I missed one of the better acts.

   

Jordan Bennett -- A  Broadway singer  I mean, someone who has actually sung in Broadway shows on Broadway.  His act began strong with a just the right amount of self-deprecation.  Always a good way to disarm an audience.  When it is true.  It turned out, though, it was a deception to disguise an otherwise clumsy stage manner.  Even so, he did have the remnants of a fine voice.

Carl Andrews -- Billed as “Amazing and Amusing.”  A magician who sprinkled his act with rather corny gags.  Such as the old standby: the sock puppet raccoon.  I must confess, though, I remember very little of his act.  Even after looking at my photographs.  I must have not been sufficiently amused and amazed.

Chilli Gold -- A British country-western singer with an acceptable voice, but a nervously annoying stage presence. I am not a country-western fan. As a result, I thought she was singing new songs. It turns out they were standards.  So, she was not as creative as I thought.  But she was easy on the eyes.

The Beatles -- I have seen several Beatles impersonator groups. This one is not the worst. At least, they got the audience into a nostalgic dancing frenzy. Even though the “Paul” character sounds far more like Randy Newman.  I kept expecting a rendition of "Short People."  Especially when he sat down at the piano.

Vincenzo Gentile -- A very talented Italian violinist who performed on a very nice violin from the 1700s. He was brave enough to play serious music. But most of it straight from the pops concert repertoire.  Just enough to make me miss music that challenges.  The Mussolini look was a bit disconcerting.

Damion Scarella -- An Australian tenor who wandered down memory lane with the rock and roll tenors of the 50s and 60s. It is not my music. But the audience loved the mirage of returning to their youth.

Pete Matthews -- A British juggler who was,hands down, my favorite. Give me a juggler or a magician and I am a happy 12-year old. This guy was energy incarnate.  And ten times funnier than the rest of the comic acts on board.  I have seen him before.  But his act is always fresh because he relies heavily upon his audience for his improvisation.  Few performers can make the audience fully part of the performance. He did.

The Andelini Sisters -- Three British sisters who could have a marvelous act – on land. They sing in three-part harmony in the style of the Andrews Sisters. Even dressing in a retro version of that trio. But they are not Andrews Sisters impersonators. Instead, they do a very good job of mocking other music forms with their harmony form. Their sweet-melody rendition of “I Shall Survive” stripped the song down to its vapid lyrics. I found it funny. My fellow passengers were merely offended. I suspect they are not ready for postmodern deconstructionism. Nor are the sisters ready for stage banter or American accents.

Count Dimas -- A Romanian pianist. With quite a clever act. He won the audience’s confidence with corny vampire puns and a Mozart piece played in swing time. He then felt free to play some serious piano for us. Even though it was once again, of the pops concert variety. Orff’s O, Fortuna needs a full orchestra. But the “count” was easily one of the best performers of the month.

Manuel Martinez -- Performers need a hook to keep old acts fresh. For this magician, it is the Cuban-American character he channels. In truth, a Brit, he has created the smarmy, audience-insulting Manuel Martinez. It is a perfect magician trick. A plausible diversion to hide the fact that he is not a very good magician. But he is a first-rate comic who knows a few tricks. It was almost as if David Copperfield, Don Rickles, and Bill Dana had presented us with their love child.

Paul Hazell -- Billed as comedy hypnotism.  Paul provides the hypnotism.  The volunteers provide the comedy.  The problem with these acts is predictability.  You can only watch hypnotized subjects ride imaginary horses and impersonate the Village People for so long.  For me, once will do.  And I think I know why.  Hypnotists always explain that they cannot make people do things their subconscious will not allow.  That means people who volunteer to goon stage already are predisposed to allow themselves to entertain us.  That does not impress lawyers.  Our goal is to convince people to do the very thing their subconscious tells them not to do.

Sebastian and Christina -- Magic and juggling times two.  In truth, one of those Euro-acts that combines quick-change artistry, a bit of magic, and some fast-paced juggling.  All with a pastiche of Hungarian sophistication.  It is easy to see where the diversions were in this show.

I certainly got my money’s worth from each of the acts.  And I would have paid even more money to see any of them in Melaque -- or Manzanillo. Even the bad ones. 

As good as some of the headliners were, as a group, they were not my favorites.  But you will have to wait two more days for that envelope. 

Tomorrow.  The ice show.