Saturday, April 01, 2017

no more trump

In a surprise move, Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto announced this morning that he had signed an executive order effectively blocking the import of news of the Trump Administration effective immediately.

"Mexico is a land where visitors come to enjoy our weather, our beaches -- and, yes, our tequila. It is a happy place. Maybe the happiest place on earth.

"We are in danger of losing all of that because of what is happening up north. Some Americans and Canadians are now coming south -- importing with them political discontent. We Mexicans have plenty of political discontent. We do not need any more. No mas."

The executive order relies upon one of the administration's reform acts (The Practically Perfect Telecommunications Act of 2015) that authorizes the president to "temporarily block, inhibit, or annul telecommunications signals at events and places deemed critical for the public safety." According to the executive order, all digital and written communications that mention the following words will be blocked in Mexico: "Trump," "wall," "not my president," "sobbing softly in the corner," "emigrate."

A source who must remain anonymous due to his simultaneous positions in Mexican and American intelligence services, reports the software and implementation of the program would have been impossible without the help of altruistic private persons in Russia, Cuba, and China.

President Peña said he was confident that the new program would put an end to the emotional political outbreaks amongst the tourist and expatriate communities. "Happy tourists will enjoy Mexico -- and spend more money. The very brand name of Mexico is at risk."

When asked how long the order will remain in effect, he responded: "It depends on what you mean by 'is.'"


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