That is what we would say when we were kids.
Back when Fort Knox actually contained the wherewithal of America's gold standard and it made sense that Auric Goldfinger intended to penetrate it. Now, it contains a giant stack of Red Chinese IOUs.
That bit of nostalgia was occasioned by a box of bandaids I purchased at La Comer -- a major food chain in these parts -- to deal with some blisters on my feet.
I was running a bit late this morning in getting out the door for my morning walk. While hurriedly putting on my socks, I realized I had forgotten the bandaids. So, I rushed into the bathroom, grabbed the box, and sat on my bed -- thinking I was soon to be on the road.
I had not remembered one of the little frustrations of some Mexican purchases. The box was wrapped tighter than an Egyptian mummy with fiber packing tape. And, as I do every time, I struggled with the tape trying to pull it or the cardboard box apart. To no avail. With plenty of background mutters.
Eventually, I did what I should have first done, I retrieved a knife and cut through the tape. With bandaids applied, I started walking.
This was not my first encounter with taped merchandise here. Batteries are similarly trussed. A business owner told me he tapes his merchandise to cut down on theft. That if it is not taped, customers will open the package and put the contents in their pocket.
I understand the concept, but it seems it would be easier to stuff the whole box of bandaids or the full battery packet in a pocket rather than fiddling with opening it.
But he told me there was a second reason. Customers like to open packages to look at the contents. They then put the opened package back on the shelf, and other customers will not buy it because they are concerned something may be missing.
That makes more sense to me. I have purchased a tube of Pringles that was opened and about a third of the contents were missing. On another occasion, when I returned home with a pint of ice cream, I discovered the imprint of three fingers that had scooped out a nice portion of my vanilla treat.
And I have seen this happen more than once. A young mother will open a package of cookies, give one to her child and take one for herself. Either the child or she will make a face, and the opened package goes back on the shelf.
I now double check packaging to see if the universal excuse of I-was-tasting-only-one-grape might have been previously applied to my potential purchase.
Then there is the backpack and shopping bag issue. A lot of stores have security guards who will courteously divest you of both before allowing you to enter the store. About two years ago, my friend Doug and I went to Manzanillo with Abdul, the young son of my contractor. Each of us was wearing a small backpack.
When we entered the store, the security guard said nothing to Doug or to me. But he stopped Abdul and told him to leave his backpack.
For some reason, the Atticus Finch in me came raging to the surface. In mediocre Spanish mixed with rage, I demanded to know why the two old gringos were allowed to enter with their backpacks, but the young Mexican was not. I went so far as to accuse him of having no Mexican pride.
He eventually waved all three of us through. I felt almost Canadian in my moral stab at social injustice. But just for a moment. Abdul, who can speak passable English, said: "Güey! That was cool. He isn't liking me. Two weeks in the past. He caught me stealing here."
I was restored to my curmudgeon self.
Shoplifting is a major problem here. As it is in Canada and the United States. Up north, businesses are less likely to control it upon entry. The cost of theft is inevitably borne by the customer -- even if the business has insurance. Mexico is just a bit more up front with its attempt at enforcement.
That is not to say that some northern businesses do not do what Mexico does with some of its merchandise. Anyone who has ever bought a small item (say, razor blades) at Costco knows the additional plastic packaging that comes with the purchase. All designed to cut down on theft.
And the plastic is ten times more difficult to open than the tape. I read on the internet that there are 3 million amputation of fingers each year in The States caused by sharp shards of plastic packaging. And that must be true. It is on the internet. It was right next to the story that 7 million Americans died in Mexico in 2016. Who knew?
If it comes to requiring a pair of scissor to open my bandaid box in Mexico or needing a trip to the emergency room to reattach my ring finger in America, I am going to stay right here.
And people with backpacks can pick their own battle.
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