the brexit is dead; long live the brunity

In a surprise announcement this morning in Brussels, the Brexit drama came to an end.

Donald Tusk, president of the European Council, quoting Shakespeare announced that Britain will not be leaving the European Union on 12 April. Instead, the Council has invited Queen Elizabeth II to be Queen of Europe.

"During our negotiations, it became apparent that we were all asking the wrong question, " said Tusk. "Britain wanted to leave the EU because its citizens were concerned that they were losing their much-cherished sovereignty and liberty. As the former prime minister of one of the smaller countries in Europe, I understood that concern.

"But, it occurred to me that we were all taking the wrong path. Britain did not need to become less European; Europe needed to become more British."

Tusk said the leaders of all of the smaller countries in Europe met last night after the British Parliament once again rejected the divorce package negotiated over the past two years. They concluded the deal was stuck in a cul-de-sac (though Hungary objected to the use of any French analogies).

With France distracted by its swarm of yellow jackets and Germany worried about an impending recession, the other nations agreed that Britain had a point. More Locke and less bossy bureaucracy would make voters in their countries less testy about bothersome social issues.

The details are simple. As of today, 1 April, Tusk will invite Queen Elizabeth to assume sovereignty over the other 27 members of the European Union. After all, the blood of several European nations runs in her blue veins. As he put it: "Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this daughter of York and Lancaster and Europe."

Leo Varadkar, the Taoiseach of Ireland, had been expected to object to the proposal for historical reasons. But, he said: "The Easter Rebellion pales in the face of a hard border. We are living in a time of new possibilities. In a way, Ireland will finally be re-united."

Tomorrow Tusk will invite Parliament to oversee the unruly affairs of Brussels. He will open negotiations seeking some European representation in the Palace of Westminster -- perhaps one MP per European country and a handful of lords. He said he would be open to being a baron.

"A lot of my fellow Poles, many having spent years in Britain, are looking forward to a continent where a pint of bitter will be as common as spaghetti or bratwurst. And, with the exception of this Brexit nonsense, the continent could use a little British common sense."

When asked how Theresa May had reacted to the news, Tusk responded: "Who?"

He continued: "My one fear is that the Russians are already trying to take advantage of this new institution. Some guy named Boris keeps calling me saying he is the prime minister of Great Britain. I thought the Russians had developed some subtlety by now."

It is amazing how one special day can change everything.