You know Joan Shinnick. Or you should.
I have written about my friendship with her at least three times (the monkey on my back; putting my best foot forward; bang the drum slowly). She was my writing mentor. Without her, Mexpatriate never would have come into existence. So, you now know where to place the blame.
I met her when I was stationed at Castle Air force Base. She was the wife of my first commander, and we struck up a friendship that survived more than forty years of correspondence.
Joan was one of those personalities that come into our lives and forever change how we look at the world. She was an incredible writer. Witty. Precise. With a jeweler's eye for cant. I think I once called her a cross between Mame Dennis and Erma Bombeck. And it was true.
I heard her voice this morning as I was thumbing through the morning newspaper, and read this headline. "Will cultivating kindness make us all healthier?" It was the sub-title that would have piqued Joan's interest -- or irritation. "Study: UCLA Institute will explore how and why being nice to others lowers our risk of depression and disease."
Putting aside whether an attribute such as kindness is an apt subject for scientific study, it was the two different words used by the headline writer that would have annoyed Joan. She would have said something like: "'Kindness' and 'nice' are not synonyms for one another. They are two completely different traits. It is like substituting olive oil for ghee." (She was also a very good cook.)
She would have been correct. We are sometimes a bit sloppy with our use of words in common parlance. The subtle distinctions between smell, odor, aroma, and fragrance have nearly disappeared.
But there are major differences between "kind" and "nice." "Kind" is always a virtue: "having or showing a friendly, generous, and considerate nature." "Nice," on the other hand, is to be "polite, pleasing, agreeable."
For nice people, keeping the peace is the most important aspect of social intercourse. The UCLA study notes the difference between "nice" and "kind," and its focus is on kindness.
"Researchers agreed on an academic definition for kindness: an act that enhances the welfare of others as an end in itself. When it comes to kindness, the intention, rather than the outcome, is key. In other words, it’s the thought that counts, as the adage goes."
The examples used in the definition draw a line between what it means to be "kind" and "nice."
"Kindness is complimenting someone to make them feel good, not to get what you want. It’s sending a donation to a charity even if the check gets lost in the mail. It’s contemplating a legitimate reason why a driver who cuts you off might be in a hurry."
If all of that sounds familiar it should. Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus this time of year. But it was the adult Jesus who taught the very lessons that the UCLA study is examining. The researchers would be well to start with Matthew 5-7 and Matthew 25 34-40 to understand the core teaching of kindness.
The UCLA study has already determined that acts of kindness can alter the behavior of genes to decrease inflammation in the body, reducing the risk of heart disease and certain cancers, as well as depression.
But we did not need a study to tell us that. The common thread of all European totalitarian governments (Nazi, Fascist, Communist) during the 20th was anti-antisemitism. While most people in those societies allowed antisemitism to thrive (either out of their own hatred or fear), some kind Gentile souls put their beliefs to action by trying to save Jews from the terror of the Holocaust and Gulag. They are known as the "righteous Gentiles" by Israel for their kindness in the face of horror.
When we have a choice between calling someone "nice" or "kind," we should remember them. If someone is merely nice, that word will suffice. But, we should honor the "kind" with the word they deserve.
Maybe we can then follow Jesus's admonition: "You go and do as he did."
What could be a better gift to one another on this Christmas Eve than that?
The examples used in the definition draw a line between what it means to be "kind" and "nice."
"Kindness is complimenting someone to make them feel good, not to get what you want. It’s sending a donation to a charity even if the check gets lost in the mail. It’s contemplating a legitimate reason why a driver who cuts you off might be in a hurry."
If all of that sounds familiar it should. Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus this time of year. But it was the adult Jesus who taught the very lessons that the UCLA study is examining. The researchers would be well to start with Matthew 5-7 and Matthew 25 34-40 to understand the core teaching of kindness.
The UCLA study has already determined that acts of kindness can alter the behavior of genes to decrease inflammation in the body, reducing the risk of heart disease and certain cancers, as well as depression.
But we did not need a study to tell us that. The common thread of all European totalitarian governments (Nazi, Fascist, Communist) during the 20th was anti-antisemitism. While most people in those societies allowed antisemitism to thrive (either out of their own hatred or fear), some kind Gentile souls put their beliefs to action by trying to save Jews from the terror of the Holocaust and Gulag. They are known as the "righteous Gentiles" by Israel for their kindness in the face of horror.
When we have a choice between calling someone "nice" or "kind," we should remember them. If someone is merely nice, that word will suffice. But, we should honor the "kind" with the word they deserve.
Maybe we can then follow Jesus's admonition: "You go and do as he did."
What could be a better gift to one another on this Christmas Eve than that?
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