mexico to close beaches and cart off the sand

1 April 2020 -- Mexico City, Mexico

Today the governors of the 17 Mexican states with ocean beaches met to initiate a plan to comply with the order of Dr. Hugo Lopez-Gatell Rameriz that the beaches should immediately be closed. The governors agreed that the only way to keep people off of the beaches was to remove the tempation of Semana Santa revelers disobeying the order.

To avoid that possibility, all of Mexico's ocean beaches will be removed until Dr. Lopez-Gatell gives the "all clear" order.

Spokesman for the governors, Sonia Mentirosa Cuentacuentos, told a press conference this morning, "Sure. The governors and the federal government could have called out the military, the National Guard, and the police to spend the next two weeks trying to monitor people stepping on the beach. We decided there was a much simpler solution.

"For two days, we will have all of those same people join the road, public works, and brothers-in-laws of governors and mayors associations to scoop up all of the beach sand. The sand will then be deposited in a secure place until health matters return to normal."

When asked the cost of the operation, Ms. Mentirosa responded: "This is no time to speak of money when people's jobs are at stake."

If all goes well, the beaches will be carted off in full no later than close of business on Thursday.

One reporter talked to Ms. Mentirosa off the record, and asked her whose idea this was.

"I don't know. It sounds like an April Fool's joke to me."