reflections through a glass darkly

I have weaned Omar from treating the balcony in my house as if it were a whorehouse set in a Fellini film.

And I have inadvertently introduced him to the world of the-lost-favorite-piece-of-clothing. When I brought the laundry home last week, he asked me if I had seen his black exercise shorts. They had gone missing.

He claimed they were in his laundry bag, but they were not returned with the bundle of fresh-smelling, folded clothes. Not only were they his favorites, they had cost about $100 (US).

I told that story to an acquaintance I met through Facebook. She has been visiting Melaque in five-month stints for the past 30-odd years, and is quite passionate in her obsession with Mexico.

When I got to the part of the story where I told Omar there were several options for lost clothes (inefficiency, inattention, or theft), she recoiled in horror and spent the next five minutes lecturing me in a monologue that would have done Harold Pinter proud.

The nub of her argument was that I must be the party at fault. Most likely, I failed to take the shorts to the laundry and I am now searching for someone to blame. In her 30-some years of coming to Mexico, she knew the people far better than I do.

In her telling, Mexicans are hard-working efficient people who are great respecters of other people's property. And, because they do not have a materialistic side, they would never consider stealing anything from anyone. She supported her hypothesis with a cascade of anecdotes.

To not put a fine point on it, she was totally miffed at me. And, of course, the discussion-stopping "racist" raised its head at least two times.

I am never quite certain how to re-enter the orbit of a conversation that has wandered so far afield of its original narrative. The most obvious was to bring up the weather or how lovely the flowers are this time of year.

It reminded me of that moment in The Crown when Jackie Kennedy met the queen for tea to apologize for some incredibly boorish behavior. Claire Foy, as Queen Elizabeth, related what she should have done.

What I should've said was that I didn't do very much in Ghana.I got on a plane and I went.And the only reason I went was because I felt utterly useless in comparison to you.And I was trying to compete.And if anything, I owe you a huge debt of gratitude.But I didn't.I just sat there. 

Because I do not have the noble instincts of a British monarch, I did neither of those things. Biding my peace may have been the greater virtue.

I do not see people as exclusively saints or sinners. In fact, I do my best to see the people I encounter as individuals -- with their own set of needs and peculiarities. The group-identity politics of the left and right is always an impediment to venture past corrosive stereotypes.

And that was the point of my Omar anecdote. I was making no generalized statement about Mexicans. I gave my laundry bags to a young woman who works at the laundry. Somehow, an item in the mix went missing before the bundle was placed in my hands.

One of the risks of using a public laundry is just that. Other people are seldom as careful with our property as we are. Economists refer to it as the Tragedy of the Commons. For me, it has been true wherever I have lived. Oregon. Texas. Colorado. California. Washington, Greece. England. And, now, Mexico.

Because I am who I am, I tend to believe there is nothing more nefarious going on other than a failure to pay attention to detail. The young women who run the machines are simultaneously tending to the needs of their two or three very young children. Unlike what Linda Lomax would tell us, attention does not always have to be paid.

My exchange with the long-term Melaque visitor brought home once again how all of us tend to not listen to what other people are actually telling us. By assuming bad motives, the words take on a bit of malignity. In this case, "racist."

I am not preaching. If I were, I would be a hypocrite because I am constantly guilty of ferreting out subtext during conversations. As a result, I often miss an interesting point or a clever turn of phrase. When that happens, I am poorer for it.

I can easily fix the wandering laundry. All I need is a stackable washer-dryer combination. (Something that will fit in the criminally-small utility space of my house. It is hard to believe that a woman designed it.)

As for listening and learning, the solution is just as simple. We are all moral agents. In every circumstance, we can choose to do the right thing or the wrong.

It is just like laundry. Getting rid of stains requires a bit of attention.

Here's wishing you a complete laundry bundle.