all will be revealed

"Already, I have, unfortunately, delayed too long. I would like to see everybody please in the salon -- when all will be revealed."

Thus did Hercule Poirot summon his fellow passengers (and murder suspects) for the denouement of Death on the Nile. 

It is time I did the same.

Yesterday in mystery in the kitchen, I challenged you to put on your sleuth hats to discover why I did not find my just-cooked Mexican porcupine meatballs to be very satisfying. Just like Agatha Christie, I presented you with a likely list of suspects:

• ground pork instead of  hamburger
• arborio instead of long-grain rice
• cilantro instead of parsley
• omitting pan-grilled cumin seeds
• omitting fish sauce and honey for umami
• substituting cumin for oregano
• adding serrano and habanero
• the spice combination of cinnamon, paprika, and ground cloves
• the cooking method -- my adored Instant Pot

They were all likely suspects, and everybody who enjoyed their roles as Jane Marple had a go at almost all of the suspects, just as any Agatha Christie mystery would. The discussion on the Facebook version of Mexpatriate was even more lively. I tossed out several well-disguised clues to keep the discussion going.

I was impressed not only with everyone's enthusiasm (I shouldn't have been; almost everyone enjoys solving a good mystery), but also with the mix of intelligence and wit in the responses. You are a clever lot worthy of being dinner companions. 

I will confess that these two essays drew their inspiration from Neil Simon's delightful sendup of murder mystery movies -- Death by Murder. In the denouement, the host to the murder mystery, Lionel Twain (yes, it is that type of script), chides his movie detective guests:

You've all been so clever for so long. You've tricked and fooled your readers for years. You've tortured us with surprise endings that make no sense. . . . You've withheld clues and information that made it impossible for us to guess who did it."  

On Facebook, I asked one of the guest sleuths, who was getting very close to solving this minor food mystery, to remember her Aristotle. Go back to first principles. What would be the first question a good cook would ask before preparing a meal for himself? Or, more accurately, what would I ask? Because that is the answer to the mystery.

Agatha Christie loved diverting her reader's attention to the extraneous. She would then pull out one obscure inference and build her climax around it.

Just like I did. My hint was: "Almost everyone likes porcupine meatballs."

The answer is not in the ingredients added or omitted nor in the cooking method. I neglected to tell you that two Mexican friends thought the dish was perfect. One asked for seconds. The other for thirds. From an objective standpoint, the food was fine. (Even though I think the addition of either rice vinegar or the fish sauce-honey mixture would have improved it.)

With my first bite, I knew immediately what I had failed to do. I had not asked myself: "Why are you making meatballs? You have never liked meatballs."

And that is true. I cannot tell you why, but I have never been fond of them. I have had all sorts of meatballs throughout the world. Swedish meatballs. Meatballs on pasta. Lamb keftedes in Greece. And in all manners of soups.

Perhaps, the more important question is posed by Marcus Aurelius. "Of each particular thing, ask: What is it in itself, in its own constitution? What is its causal nature?" To paraphrase the emperor, why on Earth do I not like meatballs? They are an international culinary first principle.

I remember asking Susan, a one-time girlfriend, why she did not like the taste of something. I do not remember what it was. But I do recall her answer: "You are too analytical. I just don't like it." 

It turned out that she eventually did not like me, either. And she had a long list of analytical reasons to support her opinion.

But, in the matter of the meatballs, I will steal her first answer. I just do not like them.

And thus is our mystery solved. I am just going to have to live with the realization that no matter how I cook them, meatballs are always going to be a flat experience for me.