costa rica takes a cost

My girlfriend in law school loved chiding me with a Latin phrase she had picked up in high school -- omnis similitudo claudicat.

Literally, "every analogy limps." Or, as medieval legal scholars had it: "all comparisons are invalid in some way."

It is one of those adages that has the additional virtue of being true. But, having warned you, I am warming up one in the bull pen.

If our three stops in Central America were a baseball game, I would have grounded out -- followed by two home runs.

The news coverage of the recent caravans to the United States from Central America has perpetuated the confusion that the people of the six nations of Central American are "Mexican." For once, ignorance contains a grain of historical truth.

With the exception of Panama (which was part of Colombia until the United States assisted rebels in gaining their independence in 1903), the rest of Central America was part of Mexico during the Spanish empire. More accurately, they were part of the Viceroyalty of New Spain. An administrative unit that even included The Philippines.

When Mexico and Central America broke away from Spain, Mexico retained its role as sovereign over the area that is now Guatemala, Belize, El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua. and Costa Rica. That arrangement lasted for just one year.

The Central American republics decided they did not need Mexico treating them the way Spain did. So, they formed the Federal Republic of Central America -- taking a portion of Mexico with them. That arrangement lasted for only twenty years, leaving Central America in its current balkanized state.

We visited three of those countries on this cruise.

It had been eighteen years since I last visited Costa Rica. I had fond memories of spending a day on a river nature cruise filling my camera with shots of monkeys, snakes, a woman flailing in the river after the guide told her not to stand up in the boat, crocodiles, and more birds than Audubon himself could have shot.

That may be the reason I signed up for a nature hike and boat cruise. The hike sounded interesting because it is a bit difficult completing my walks on port days. We tend to stand in line a lot.

I chose badly. The boat portion of the trip was not bad. But I could have seen the same birds and crocodiles in my neighborhood. And often do. To be fair, the rest of the people on the trip were enthralled at the sight of each black vulture.

"The rest of the people on the trip" is what made the hike portion less than pleasant. And it was not their fault.

The nature walk (Skyway Tour Villa Lapas Rain Forest) was badly-conceived and poorly-executed. The "rain forest" was a small hillside that could have been in someone's backyard. Or, at least, at a friend's farm in Barra de Navidad.

Because there were several small ravines on the trail, the owners built three"skyways." The name was dressing mutton as lamb. The "suspension bridges" were about as thrilling as an elevated gangway in a Wisconsin cheese factory.

But none of that would have mattered if the stroll had not been such a disaster for half of the group. There were 39 of us strung single file along the trail. I was near the rear. Every few feet we would stop and stand as if we were waiting in line at the ship's cafeteria.

None of the people around me could hear a thing. We could not see the guide. When we started moving, people would look randomly in the direction the person before them did. Just like one of those freeway accidents where nothing is there.

I did get to see this amazing bit of nature for my $150. A millipede. I know that only from my own experience. I certainly did not hear it from the guide.

And that was a pity. He knew his stuff -- a fact the Left Behinds discovered when we finally could hear him on the boat tour. The hike would have been a success with about 5 or 6 people. Instead, the tour company (Asuaire) decided to cram too many people on the trail. I assume to maximize their revenue stream. After all, they were not going to see us again.

When those of us in back told the guide we had missed his entire commentary, a rather officious woman told us to stop ruining the tour for the others -- the people who could hear apparently found the tour to fill an empty place in their souls. Effectively, the tour company had created a social experiment between Haves and Have Nots.     

I did enjoy seeing Costa Rica again. It is a beautiful country. And I might even use the services of Asuaire Tours if I return on my own. I do know I will never take one of its tours again if my next visit is on a cruise ship.

So, there is my first limping analogy. The ground out.

Tomorrow, we are in Acapulco. I will continue my Central America tales on the coming sea days.

Spoiler alert. Nicaragua and Guatemala hit the ball into the bleachers. But those of you who can count already know that.

For now, I will return to the dugout.